 |
Thursday, March 15, 2001
Thanks to Richard J. for this one...
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the
other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of
the"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less
letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the
silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be
dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid
to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor
trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze
drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil tak over ze world!
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the
other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of
the"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less
letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the
silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be
dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid
to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor
trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze
drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil tak over ze world!
Wednesday, March 14, 2001
Ray: I know how to please a woman.
Blonde: Then please leave me alone.
Ray: I guess you're pretty good at pleasing yourself, then.
Ray: Your hair color is fabulous.
Blonde: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug
store.
Ray: Really? Is that where you got your eyelashes and
colored contacts?
Ray: Is this seat empty?
Blonde: Yes, and this one will be, too, if you sit down.
Ray: [Looking away] Honey, there's two here!
Ray: Your body is like a temple.
Blonde: Sorry, there are no services today.
Ray: Here's a donation to restore the exterior.
Ray: I want to give myself to you.
Blonde: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Ray: Oh, just cheap perfume then?
Ray: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Blonde: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Ray: Well, I guess you really don't belong in the men's room,
anyway.
Ray: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Blonde: What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?
Ray: You're right. I was lying.
Blonde: Then please leave me alone.
Ray: I guess you're pretty good at pleasing yourself, then.
Ray: Your hair color is fabulous.
Blonde: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug
store.
Ray: Really? Is that where you got your eyelashes and
colored contacts?
Ray: Is this seat empty?
Blonde: Yes, and this one will be, too, if you sit down.
Ray: [Looking away] Honey, there's two here!
Ray: Your body is like a temple.
Blonde: Sorry, there are no services today.
Ray: Here's a donation to restore the exterior.
Ray: I want to give myself to you.
Blonde: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Ray: Oh, just cheap perfume then?
Ray: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Blonde: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Ray: Well, I guess you really don't belong in the men's room,
anyway.
Ray: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Blonde: What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?
Ray: You're right. I was lying.
Tuesday, March 13, 2001
| This is my brother's car dealership! - no, he's not the owner.. well, some day :) | |
| Hey, Western Bagel (Los Angeles) is taking orders for GREEN Bagels; geez, I can make those myself, right on my kitchen counter, specially when I've left them out a while...! | "I want to take a bubble bath, but I need OLIVE OIL" - I like the new Webvan commercials. |
| Somebody Set Us Up the Bomb. | Check out the commercials at Ad Critic. |
Warm everything-cheese bagels from Western Bagel are pretty good...!
ComputerWorld's Sharky (the Shark Tank) tells some pretty funny real-life stories about war in the computer biz (IT) trenches... |
Monday, March 12, 2001
See yesterday's Foxtrot comic:
All your Base Are Belong to US!
In case it's not clear, this is kind of a "Grafitti Wall" at the moment. Eventually I'll figure out what I wanna do with the site, and perhaps create more "BLOG" areas for fun and/or information. For now, feel free to contribute if you're on the "team"
Sunday, March 11, 2001
Good show tonight - Chistopher's got his butt, as Tony said ("Ain't Got NO SPLEEN, Gene!")... Check out SopranoLand, a New Jersey fan site... Soprano's Sue's sightings are great!
All YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!
See Am I All Your Base Or Not?
Be sure to watch the video and read the history....
See Am I All Your Base Or Not?
Be sure to watch the video and read the history....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)