:: Some Days you Eat the Bear ::

:: vootieschool 4:39 PM [+] ::
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Sylmar.

:: vootieschool 6:06 PM [+] ::
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Little Golden Books That Never Made It"

1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

From Quantum Lounge

:: vootieschool 1:01 AM [+] ::
...

The Christmas Elf Massacre
(from Comedy Central's Web Site)

Buy me a beer if you want the story told
Of why I moved down South from the frost and cold.
Why I’m knee deep in therapy, liquor, and pills.
Why I’ve given up charity in lieu of cheap thrills.


Why I loathe mistletoe, fruitcake and bells --
And why I’ll celebrate Xmas when it freezes in hell.
You’ll never see this elf make angels in snow.
Hey thanks for the booze – so I guess here it goes:


“Twas the night after Christmas in the North Pole
No creatures were stirring, not one lousy soul.
Santa’s house appeared eerily silent
But inside the fat man was hungry, was violent
.

This workshop of toys for kids of all ages
Was filled with elves quaking in cages.
Who woke up from their long winter’s naps
To find themselves snared in a devious trap.


Hours before I had been bingeing on nog
Passed out under the bed, I spied the whole saga.
I saw all my brothers rounded up in cages.
Sleepy victims of wicked midnight rampages.


Then what to my horrified eyes should appear
But a wild-eyed Santa pinching an elf by the ear.
Each little sprite shook in their tights and boots.
That this monster was Santa, no one could refute.


His size and his beard gave him away as St. Nick
His fangs and his scales made me quite sick
Blood seemed to stain his white fluffy trim
He was hunched, drooling, and disgustingly slim.

“Come little helper! Climb into my maw!”
He laughed, then casually ate the elf raw.
He greedily sucked the imp’s hide off the bone
I was awed! I was scared! I was truly alone!


Dainty elf paws clutched bars and cried
Drunk on deinal; confounded by why.
(He lost his count during his murderous spree
Thought he’d rounded up most, but forgot about me!)


His hunger was wracking his hunched-over frame
With a crippling appetite that didn’t know shame.
“Don’t eat us! We love you! Look at our faces!”
The doomed little elves made their sad cases


But Santa ignored them with a swipe of his fist
Pulled out some parchment and started a list:
“Silence, you nuggets – I’m trying to think
Who to char-broil, who to blend into drink.


Who to dice, fillet, bake or panfry
Who to boil in soup, who to stuff in a pie”
These taunts seemed so strange to come from a man
Who held the dreams of children in his hands


Teeth full of gristle, he then sadly revealed
To his captive chorus of angel-faced veal,
That humans are greedy, petty, drunk on their vices.
And each Yuletide revel exacts gruesome prices


These prices are paid by the magical gnomes
Who hammer the toys that clutter up homes.
The payment’s a life – one for each holiday sin.
Delivered by Santa, after his joyful break-ins.


Perhaps he was cursed by the Easter Bunny
Or an April Fool’s jester who thought it’d be funny.
The Great Pumpkin, Jack Frost or just maybe –
That jealous and bratty New Years Eve baby.


Maybe it was a clue, how well we were fed
On cookies, cakes, lard balls and bread.
But our nature’s to love, not to distrust.
So we hugged the fat Claus’s and finished each crust.


Ignorant to what would soon transpire
We’d collapse in heaps by the crackling fire.
Expecting the old man to come flying back
And start making next years toys for his sack.


But how does he have enough sprites for his belly?
The final act of sorrow starts as fetal elf jelly.
That ferments inside his wife until it’s a broth
Filled with thimble-sized elves that surge forth like froth.


And these newborn elves, spawned pure from her womb.
Don’t understand: their workshop is really a tomb
Their dimples are gumdrops, they sneeze pixie dust.
Santa doesn’t hate them – he’s cursed with a lust.


Elves are packed with vitamins A, C, and E
We’re awfully juicy, tart yet also fruity,
We go well with gravy and mayonnaise and toast
But casserole is how Santa likes us the most.


Barbequed, fricasseed, or flambéed
Sunny-side up, shish-ka-bobbed or flayed.
Prepared anyway, our flesh is quite delicious
And it’s not like toy-happy children will miss us.


Goodbye Carl, Zud, Sprinkles and Jan!
Blossom, Hortense, Cobweb, and Stan!
Julie, Miss Knickers, Fidget, and Ralph.
I’m sorry you’re dead, you wonderful elf.


A mouthed greased with fat, Santa then hibernated.
As Mrs. Claus squatted and grossly gestated
And all that is left of my cherubic siblings.
Was a pile of bells, curly-toed boots – mostly elf things


So much for good cheer! But don’t shed a tear:
This gruesome cycle has happened for hundreds of years.
And as the fist to survive Father’s murderous rout
In a month I stopped hiding and got the hell out.”

Now I spend my days soaking under a sun like a yolk
(Yeah, I wish I’d have saved all or some of my folk)
I now have a tan where the rum’s in supply.
Sewing up flags for Captain Fourth of July

:: vootieschool 8:24 PM [+] ::
...

Elvis Presley - Blue Christmas lyrics

              (words & music by billy hayes - jay johnson)
Ill have a blue christmas without you
Ill be so blue just thinking about you
Decorations of red on a green christmas tree
Wont be the same dear, if you're not here with me

And when those blue snowflakes start falling
That's when those blue memories start calling
Youll be doin all right, with your christmas of white
But I'll have a blue, blue blue blue christmas

(instrumental break)

Youll be doin all right, with your christmas of white,
But I'll have a blue, blue christmas             



Song lyrics | Blue Christmas lyrics

:: vootieschool 10:40 PM [+] ::
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LILEKS (James) :: Institute :: Compu-Promo

:: vootieschool 7:12 PM [+] ::
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Ornish: Sweat Your Way to a Bigger Brain - Newsweek Health - Dean Ornish - MSNBC.com

:: vootieschool 5:22 PM [+] ::
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I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?

:: vootieschool 10:36 PM [+] ::
...

Some people just don't deal well with technology.
Seattle Post-Intelligencer: Zits

:: vootieschool 4:30 PM [+] ::
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7-Elevens Become Simpsons 'Kwik-E-Marts' - Los Angeles Times

:: vootieschool 1:39 PM [+] ::
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Life at Google - The Microsoftie Perspective � Just Say “No” To Google

:: vootieschool 2:40 AM [+] ::
...

A 'Second Life' parody you can't miss | Tech news blog - CNET News.com

:: vootieschool 10:28 PM [+] ::
...

"Borrowed" from somewhere...

Disclaimer:

If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.

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Take care: new non-slip surface. In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of a flash flood, proceed uphill quickly. 100% pure yarn. Remove the plastic wrapper. Open packet. Eat the contents. Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat. Use like regular soap. Federal law prohibits the smoking of tampons in the lavatory. Instructions: usage known. Serving suggestion: Defrost. Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants. In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors. Please include the proper portion of your bill. Optional modem required. Actual product may not match expectations.

SANITY CLAUSE: There ain't no sanity clause

:: vootieschool 12:24 PM [+] ::
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How Lord of the Rings Should Have Ended | Just Whatever

:: vootieschool 8:28 PM [+] ::
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Boy Bags Wild Hog Bigger Than 'Hogzilla'

:: vootieschool 2:45 PM [+] ::
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3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference

:: vootieschool 1:46 AM [+] ::
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Wait_damn_it_I_have_to_pee.jpg (JPEG Image, 800x300 pixels)

:: vootieschool 1:00 AM [+] ::
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TonyRogers.com - The Official Winner of the "Not My Job" Contest

:: vootieschool 12:49 AM [+] ::
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Cannot find the damn server

:: vootieschool 12:36 AM [+] ::
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My son told me about this - pretty cool...

:: vootieschool 11:26 PM [+] ::
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Blog about advertising.: WOW! Best Rube Goldberg Ever!


Click Here for more great videos and pictures!

:: vootieschool 1:25 AM [+] ::
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Geoff Arnold � Blog Archive � Kill Dash Nine
(Not Safe for Work)

:: vootieschool 1:33 PM [+] ::
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Quotes from The Marx Brothers

:: vootieschool 12:41 AM [+] ::
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CLEO was a dog...

:: vootieschool 2:00 PM [+] ::
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MAKE: Blog: 2GB chapstick

:: vootieschool 1:32 PM [+] ::
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Which science fiction writer you are

I am: William Gibson The chief instigator of the "cyberpunk" wave of the 1980s, his razzle-dazzle futuristic intrigues were, for a while, the most imitated work in science fiction.

Which science fiction writer are you?

:: vootieschool 9:25 PM [+] ::
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Apple - Support - Discussions - Animals IN my screen. HELP!! ...

And see the Video...

Labels: apple, bugs, video

:: vootieschool 1:05 PM [+] ::
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INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

*1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16
work boots. *

*2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans,
a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines. *

*3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine. *

*4. Leave a note on your door that reads: *

*Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for
ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they
attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't
think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. *

*P.S. - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside!*

:: vootieschool 12:53 PM [+] ::
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">Erik Mongrain and his "Air Tap" guitar technique

Labels: airtap, guitar, mongrain

:: vootieschool 11:43 AM [+] ::
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Ken Levine remembers "Christmas with Cheeta(h)"

Labels: cheetah, levine, palm springs, xmas

:: vootieschool 10:18 PM [+] ::
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A cool way of greeting...

:: vootieschool 2:22 PM [+] ::
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Techcrunch: Mike Arrington says goodbye to Netflix in favor of Blockbuster

Labels: blockbuster techcrunch, netflix

:: vootieschool 2:19 PM [+] ::
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In the Spirit of the Season... An oldie but goodie...

:: vootieschool 12:16 PM [+] ::
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jerome murat
Uploaded by segalier

Pretty Amazing!

:: vootieschool 10:49 PM [+] ::
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The REAL Nintendo Wii Safety Manual

Some Missing Pages from it...

:: vootieschool 2:33 PM [+] ::
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