(via email from a friend)
Don't Mess with the IT Guys. This is an actual letter of resignation
from an employee at "Zantex Computers", Australia, to his boss,
J.Pilgrim. His boss, known as "Pilly," apparently resigned very soon
afterwards!
Dear Mr. Pilgrim,
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have
an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself, during
the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of
the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of
everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not
only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen? I was hired,
because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently
hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" - for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as
binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand
why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even
though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an
IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftless looking for fault in
others. You have a sharp dressed, useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have
responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent
will cover for your glaring ineptitude.
In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that
everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of
the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change
without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to
tender my resignation; however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to
give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is: "I
prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the
next couple of years, to keep you honest, because I know you would be
unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know
every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to
get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I
conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your
mothers birthday", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell checker please. I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on
my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of
your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.
Never f*ck with your systems administrator. Why?
Because they know what you do with all that free time!
Sincerely,
Adrian
