Pls. No questions about when #Facebook will be back up, we do not know... Thx! #LAPD
— LAPD Communications (@911LAPD) August 1, 2014
Friday, August 01, 2014
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Ah, the Internet...
2:33:43 PM RandomIMNick : look im NAKED!!!
2:33:51 PM ME: oh god NO
2:34:09 PM RandomIMNick : heeey :) how are u doing?
2:34:30 PM ME: medium
2:34:45 PM RandomIMNick : umm have we chatted before? cause ur on my buddy list..
2:34:55 PM ME: no, i have no idea who you are.
2:35:12 PM RandomIMNick : oh lol im sorry im kinda forgetful at times.. anyways, what r u up to?
2:35:14 PM ME: i'm guessing that you are a 50 year old guy trying to make money on the internet
2:35:20 PM RandomIMNick : there's no $$ involved!!
2:35:34 PM ME: haaah
2:35:45 PM ME: how MUCH is that bridge?
2:35:49 PM RandomIMNick : sooo are you busy?? wanna have some fun with me? lol..
2:35:58 PM ME: not if you're a 50 year old guy....
2:36:23 PM RandomIMNick : lol.. mmmm yess!! :) im turning my cam on if you wanna cam for a bit :) i mean if you want to?
2:36:47 PM ME: i have a strict rule against sex with scripts
2:36:55 PM RandomIMNick : come over!! lol im horny
2:37:19 PM ME: have you heard the word of the Lord?
2:37:41 PM RandomIMNick : okie babe, im gunna send you a cam invite, go here http://deletedurl.com/CCDDFFAA and we can go 1 on 1...click the "Accept Invite" tab on the left..yup. the green 1!
(disconnect)
2:33:51 PM ME: oh god NO
2:34:09 PM RandomIMNick : heeey :) how are u doing?
2:34:30 PM ME: medium
2:34:45 PM RandomIMNick : umm have we chatted before? cause ur on my buddy list..
2:34:55 PM ME: no, i have no idea who you are.
2:35:12 PM RandomIMNick : oh lol im sorry im kinda forgetful at times.. anyways, what r u up to?
2:35:14 PM ME: i'm guessing that you are a 50 year old guy trying to make money on the internet
2:35:20 PM RandomIMNick : there's no $$ involved!!
2:35:34 PM ME: haaah
2:35:45 PM ME: how MUCH is that bridge?
2:35:49 PM RandomIMNick : sooo are you busy?? wanna have some fun with me? lol..
2:35:58 PM ME: not if you're a 50 year old guy....
2:36:23 PM RandomIMNick : lol.. mmmm yess!! :) im turning my cam on if you wanna cam for a bit :) i mean if you want to?
2:36:47 PM ME: i have a strict rule against sex with scripts
2:36:55 PM RandomIMNick : come over!! lol im horny
2:37:19 PM ME: have you heard the word of the Lord?
2:37:41 PM RandomIMNick : okie babe, im gunna send you a cam invite, go here http://deletedurl.com/CCDDFFAA and we can go 1 on 1...click the "Accept Invite" tab on the left..yup. the green 1!
(disconnect)
Monday, April 25, 2011
Thursday, February 04, 2010
mm, I know that the economy is bad, but we've apparently outsourced the FBI to Hong Kong or Europe. Spelling is... uh... interesting.
Subject: An Official Advise
Wed, February 3, 2010 8:53:35 PM
From: FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
To: ANTI TERRORIST & MONITORY CRIME DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON , D.C.FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONJ. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON , D.C. 20535-0001
Attn: Beneficiary, This is an official advise from the FBI CRIME DEPARTMENT as it has come to our notice that the Central Bank of Nigeria / World Bank has deposited USD$10, 500, 000.00 US Dollars into Citibank New York in your name as the beneficiary being for your overdue payment / Inheritance payment.Going by our records, this kind of payment in the past has always been related to Money Laundry / Terrorist Acts so we do not want you to get into any trouble with the IRS and Homeland Securities including our office (FBI) as soon as these funds reflect in your Bank Account So it is our duty as a worldwide commission to correct this problem before this fund will be credited into your personal Bank Account.To this effect, We have decided to contact you directly to acquire the proper Verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful beneficiary to receive this fund because of the amount involve so we ask them not to credit the fund to you yet as we need a solid proof and Verifications from you before you can receive the funds.In this regards, you are to re-assure and proof to us that the fund you are about to receive is clean and free from illegal activities by sending to us your Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST) issued by the ICPC OFICE NIGERIA to satisfy us that the money is legitimate and you are to forward the document to us immediately if you have it in your possession, if you don't have it let us know so that we will direct you on how to obtain the document from the ICPC OFICE NIGERIA.We await for your prompt response on this email.
Faithfully Yours,
FBI Director Robert Mueller.fbiwdsc65@yahoo.com.hk
Subject: An Official Advise
Wed, February 3, 2010 8:53:35 PM
From: FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
To: ANTI TERRORIST & MONITORY CRIME DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON , D.C.FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONJ. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON , D.C. 20535-0001
Attn: Beneficiary, This is an official advise from the FBI CRIME DEPARTMENT as it has come to our notice that the Central Bank of Nigeria / World Bank has deposited USD$10, 500, 000.00 US Dollars into Citibank New York in your name as the beneficiary being for your overdue payment / Inheritance payment.Going by our records, this kind of payment in the past has always been related to Money Laundry / Terrorist Acts so we do not want you to get into any trouble with the IRS and Homeland Securities including our office (FBI) as soon as these funds reflect in your Bank Account So it is our duty as a worldwide commission to correct this problem before this fund will be credited into your personal Bank Account.To this effect, We have decided to contact you directly to acquire the proper Verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful beneficiary to receive this fund because of the amount involve so we ask them not to credit the fund to you yet as we need a solid proof and Verifications from you before you can receive the funds.In this regards, you are to re-assure and proof to us that the fund you are about to receive is clean and free from illegal activities by sending to us your Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST) issued by the ICPC OFICE NIGERIA to satisfy us that the money is legitimate and you are to forward the document to us immediately if you have it in your possession, if you don't have it let us know so that we will direct you on how to obtain the document from the ICPC OFICE NIGERIA.We await for your prompt response on this email.
Faithfully Yours,
FBI Director Robert Mueller.fbiwdsc65@yahoo.com.hk
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Friday, May 09, 2008
Little Golden Books That Never Made It"
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
From Quantum Lounge
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
From Quantum Lounge
Sunday, December 23, 2007
The Christmas Elf Massacre
(from Comedy Central's Web Site)
Buy me a beer if you want the story told
Of why I moved down South from the frost and cold.
Why I’m knee deep in therapy, liquor, and pills.
Why I’ve given up charity in lieu of cheap thrills.
Why I loathe mistletoe, fruitcake and bells --
And why I’ll celebrate Xmas when it freezes in hell.
You’ll never see this elf make angels in snow.
Hey thanks for the booze – so I guess here it goes:
“Twas the night after Christmas in the North Pole
No creatures were stirring, not one lousy soul.
Santa’s house appeared eerily silent
But inside the fat man was hungry, was violent
.
This workshop of toys for kids of all ages
Was filled with elves quaking in cages.
Who woke up from their long winter’s naps
To find themselves snared in a devious trap.
Hours before I had been bingeing on nog
Passed out under the bed, I spied the whole saga.
I saw all my brothers rounded up in cages.
Sleepy victims of wicked midnight rampages.
Then what to my horrified eyes should appear
But a wild-eyed Santa pinching an elf by the ear.
Each little sprite shook in their tights and boots.
That this monster was Santa, no one could refute.
His size and his beard gave him away as St. Nick
His fangs and his scales made me quite sick
Blood seemed to stain his white fluffy trim
He was hunched, drooling, and disgustingly slim.
“Come little helper! Climb into my maw!”
He laughed, then casually ate the elf raw.
He greedily sucked the imp’s hide off the bone
I was awed! I was scared! I was truly alone!
Dainty elf paws clutched bars and cried
Drunk on deinal; confounded by why.
(He lost his count during his murderous spree
Thought he’d rounded up most, but forgot about me!)
His hunger was wracking his hunched-over frame
With a crippling appetite that didn’t know shame.
“Don’t eat us! We love you! Look at our faces!”
The doomed little elves made their sad cases
But Santa ignored them with a swipe of his fist
Pulled out some parchment and started a list:
“Silence, you nuggets – I’m trying to think
Who to char-broil, who to blend into drink.
Who to dice, fillet, bake or panfry
Who to boil in soup, who to stuff in a pie”
These taunts seemed so strange to come from a man
Who held the dreams of children in his hands
Teeth full of gristle, he then sadly revealed
To his captive chorus of angel-faced veal,
That humans are greedy, petty, drunk on their vices.
And each Yuletide revel exacts gruesome prices
These prices are paid by the magical gnomes
Who hammer the toys that clutter up homes.
The payment’s a life – one for each holiday sin.
Delivered by Santa, after his joyful break-ins.
Perhaps he was cursed by the Easter Bunny
Or an April Fool’s jester who thought it’d be funny.
The Great Pumpkin, Jack Frost or just maybe –
That jealous and bratty New Years Eve baby.
Maybe it was a clue, how well we were fed
On cookies, cakes, lard balls and bread.
But our nature’s to love, not to distrust.
So we hugged the fat Claus’s and finished each crust.
Ignorant to what would soon transpire
We’d collapse in heaps by the crackling fire.
Expecting the old man to come flying back
And start making next years toys for his sack.
But how does he have enough sprites for his belly?
The final act of sorrow starts as fetal elf jelly.
That ferments inside his wife until it’s a broth
Filled with thimble-sized elves that surge forth like froth.
And these newborn elves, spawned pure from her womb.
Don’t understand: their workshop is really a tomb
Their dimples are gumdrops, they sneeze pixie dust.
Santa doesn’t hate them – he’s cursed with a lust.
Elves are packed with vitamins A, C, and E
We’re awfully juicy, tart yet also fruity,
We go well with gravy and mayonnaise and toast
But casserole is how Santa likes us the most.
Barbequed, fricasseed, or flambéed
Sunny-side up, shish-ka-bobbed or flayed.
Prepared anyway, our flesh is quite delicious
And it’s not like toy-happy children will miss us.
Goodbye Carl, Zud, Sprinkles and Jan!
Blossom, Hortense, Cobweb, and Stan!
Julie, Miss Knickers, Fidget, and Ralph.
I’m sorry you’re dead, you wonderful elf.
A mouthed greased with fat, Santa then hibernated.
As Mrs. Claus squatted and grossly gestated
And all that is left of my cherubic siblings.
Was a pile of bells, curly-toed boots – mostly elf things
So much for good cheer! But don’t shed a tear:
This gruesome cycle has happened for hundreds of years.
And as the fist to survive Father’s murderous rout
In a month I stopped hiding and got the hell out.”
Now I spend my days soaking under a sun like a yolk
(Yeah, I wish I’d have saved all or some of my folk)
I now have a tan where the rum’s in supply.
Sewing up flags for Captain Fourth of July
(from Comedy Central's Web Site)
Buy me a beer if you want the story told
Of why I moved down South from the frost and cold.
Why I’m knee deep in therapy, liquor, and pills.
Why I’ve given up charity in lieu of cheap thrills.
Why I loathe mistletoe, fruitcake and bells --
And why I’ll celebrate Xmas when it freezes in hell.
You’ll never see this elf make angels in snow.
Hey thanks for the booze – so I guess here it goes:
“Twas the night after Christmas in the North Pole
No creatures were stirring, not one lousy soul.
Santa’s house appeared eerily silent
But inside the fat man was hungry, was violent
.
This workshop of toys for kids of all ages
Was filled with elves quaking in cages.
Who woke up from their long winter’s naps
To find themselves snared in a devious trap.
Hours before I had been bingeing on nog
Passed out under the bed, I spied the whole saga.
I saw all my brothers rounded up in cages.
Sleepy victims of wicked midnight rampages.
Then what to my horrified eyes should appear
But a wild-eyed Santa pinching an elf by the ear.
Each little sprite shook in their tights and boots.
That this monster was Santa, no one could refute.
His size and his beard gave him away as St. Nick
His fangs and his scales made me quite sick
Blood seemed to stain his white fluffy trim
He was hunched, drooling, and disgustingly slim.
“Come little helper! Climb into my maw!”
He laughed, then casually ate the elf raw.
He greedily sucked the imp’s hide off the bone
I was awed! I was scared! I was truly alone!
Dainty elf paws clutched bars and cried
Drunk on deinal; confounded by why.
(He lost his count during his murderous spree
Thought he’d rounded up most, but forgot about me!)
His hunger was wracking his hunched-over frame
With a crippling appetite that didn’t know shame.
“Don’t eat us! We love you! Look at our faces!”
The doomed little elves made their sad cases
But Santa ignored them with a swipe of his fist
Pulled out some parchment and started a list:
“Silence, you nuggets – I’m trying to think
Who to char-broil, who to blend into drink.
Who to dice, fillet, bake or panfry
Who to boil in soup, who to stuff in a pie”
These taunts seemed so strange to come from a man
Who held the dreams of children in his hands
Teeth full of gristle, he then sadly revealed
To his captive chorus of angel-faced veal,
That humans are greedy, petty, drunk on their vices.
And each Yuletide revel exacts gruesome prices
These prices are paid by the magical gnomes
Who hammer the toys that clutter up homes.
The payment’s a life – one for each holiday sin.
Delivered by Santa, after his joyful break-ins.
Perhaps he was cursed by the Easter Bunny
Or an April Fool’s jester who thought it’d be funny.
The Great Pumpkin, Jack Frost or just maybe –
That jealous and bratty New Years Eve baby.
Maybe it was a clue, how well we were fed
On cookies, cakes, lard balls and bread.
But our nature’s to love, not to distrust.
So we hugged the fat Claus’s and finished each crust.
Ignorant to what would soon transpire
We’d collapse in heaps by the crackling fire.
Expecting the old man to come flying back
And start making next years toys for his sack.
But how does he have enough sprites for his belly?
The final act of sorrow starts as fetal elf jelly.
That ferments inside his wife until it’s a broth
Filled with thimble-sized elves that surge forth like froth.
And these newborn elves, spawned pure from her womb.
Don’t understand: their workshop is really a tomb
Their dimples are gumdrops, they sneeze pixie dust.
Santa doesn’t hate them – he’s cursed with a lust.
Elves are packed with vitamins A, C, and E
We’re awfully juicy, tart yet also fruity,
We go well with gravy and mayonnaise and toast
But casserole is how Santa likes us the most.
Barbequed, fricasseed, or flambéed
Sunny-side up, shish-ka-bobbed or flayed.
Prepared anyway, our flesh is quite delicious
And it’s not like toy-happy children will miss us.
Goodbye Carl, Zud, Sprinkles and Jan!
Blossom, Hortense, Cobweb, and Stan!
Julie, Miss Knickers, Fidget, and Ralph.
I’m sorry you’re dead, you wonderful elf.
A mouthed greased with fat, Santa then hibernated.
As Mrs. Claus squatted and grossly gestated
And all that is left of my cherubic siblings.
Was a pile of bells, curly-toed boots – mostly elf things
So much for good cheer! But don’t shed a tear:
This gruesome cycle has happened for hundreds of years.
And as the fist to survive Father’s murderous rout
In a month I stopped hiding and got the hell out.”
Now I spend my days soaking under a sun like a yolk
(Yeah, I wish I’d have saved all or some of my folk)
I now have a tan where the rum’s in supply.
Sewing up flags for Captain Fourth of July
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Elvis Presley - Blue Christmas lyrics
(words & music by billy hayes - jay johnson)
Ill have a blue christmas without you
Ill be so blue just thinking about you
Decorations of red on a green christmas tree
Wont be the same dear, if you're not here with me
And when those blue snowflakes start falling
That's when those blue memories start calling
Youll be doin all right, with your christmas of white
But I'll have a blue, blue blue blue christmas
(instrumental break)
Youll be doin all right, with your christmas of white,
But I'll have a blue, blue christmas
Song lyrics | Blue Christmas lyrics
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Seattle Post-Intelligencer: Zits
Some people just don't deal well with technology.
Seattle Post-Intelligencer: Zits
Seattle Post-Intelligencer: Zits
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Monday, June 25, 2007
"Borrowed" from somewhere...
Disclaimer:
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Open other end. Dealer participation may affect final price. May not be present in all tap water. Park at your own risk. Employees and their families and friends are not eligible. See Uniform Code of Military Justice. Approved for veterans. * - Indicates a low-fat item. Tax, tag, and title not included in advertised price. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Avoid spraying into eyes. An 18% gratuity will be added for parties of 8 or more. Restaurant package, not for resale. For qualified buyers. Call toll free before digging. Unit not labeled for individual sale. The following information is meant for general educational purposes only. Contents under pressure. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. All passengers must be behind the white line while bus is in motion. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. No shirt, no shoes, no service. No smoking, food, or drink. This article does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my family, my roommate, my friends, or my cat. Don't quote me on that. Don't quote me on anything. You may distribute this article freely but you may not make a profit from it. Do not use near open flame. Management not responsible for loss or theft. Maximum speeding fine : $350. Terms are subject to change without notice. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. We have kosher and non-kosher foods. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. This article is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Caveat emptor. All taxes become liability of the winner. Handicapped parking - tow zone. Product is provided "as is" without any warranties. User assumes full responsibility. An equal opportunity employer. We accept food stamps. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Use at your own risk. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics. Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. Keep away from sunlight. You must be 54" tall to ride this ride. Disconnect spark plug wire before servicing. Keep away from pets and small children. Limit one per family, please. No money down. You need not be present to win. Do not try this at home. Instructions are included. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Shown with optional equipment. Product does not really fly. Coated with food-grade vegetable, beeswax, and/or shellac-based wax or resin to maintain freshness. This product contains olestra. Safety goggles required during use. For demonstration purposes only. Sealed with printed foil for your protection, do not use if safety seal is broken. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. For external use only. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue use. WARNING: may cause cirrhosis of the liver, inflammation of the brain, heart damage, pancreatic damage, kidney damage, spleen implosion or explosion, thyroid combustion, severe nasal hair growth, blindness, eruptia, pregnancy, infertility, fecal incontinence, impotence, loss of genitalia and/or hermaphroditism, hair loss skin blemishes, bone deformity, throat cancer, ulcers, hangnails, bladder leakage, sores, scabs, elephantiasis, hepatitis, conjunctivitis, gingivitis, appendicitis, bronchitis, and/or athlete's foot. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit / 49 degrees Celsius. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source. Your email session may be monitored at the University's discretion. Smoking this article could be hazardous to your health. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence is the use of a condom. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. Use type GR927 battery. WARNING: pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid this product. Discontinue product use if any of the following occurs: itching, vertigo, dizziness, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, slurred speech, temporary blindness, profuse sweating, or heart palpitations. May stick to certain types of skin. Contains no fruit juice. Push down, then twist. Dry clean only. UL listed. Articles are ribbed for your pleasure. Offer valid only at participating sites. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Must be 18 to use. Warrenty does not cover misuse, accident, extraterrestrial impact, lightning, floods, tornadoes, solar flares, tsunami, volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, supernovas, hurricanes, other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper or unauthorized use, incorrect line voltage and/or frequency, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers,chemical reactions, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom shock waves, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, Divine Intervention, extraterrestrial intervention, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, explosive decompression, hard vacuum, dropping the item, falling rocks, falling anything, falling on rocks, falling on anything, caustic chemicals, napalm, leaky roofs, broken glass, magnetic fields, laser or other energy weapons, sub-atomic particle bombardment, emissions of x-rays, microwave, ultraviolet, cosmic, and/or gamma rays, mud slides, forest fires, or projectiles (which may include, but are not limited to, arrows, bombs, artillery shells, missiles, bullets, snowballs, hand grenades, buckshot, BBs, flares, shrapnel, liquid-filled balloons, torpedoes, knives, stones, spears, swords, maces, pikes, clubs, morningstars, etc.). Other restrictions may apply. These web site links are listed as a convenience to our visitors. If you use these links, we take no responsibility and give no guarantees, warranties or representations, implied or otherwise, for the content or accuracy of these third-party sites. Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish. Do not use while sleeping. Do not use in shower. Warning: This product can burn eyes. Caution: Hot beverages are hot! For external use only! Warning: May contain small parts. Do not use orally. Please keep out of children. Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use. Warning: Do not use on eyes. Do not look into laser with remaining eye. Do not use for drying pets. Do not use as ear plugs. Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator. Warning: knives are sharp. Not for weight control. Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth. Theft of this container is a crime. Do not use intimately. Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice. Fragile. Do not drop. Cannot be made non-poisonous. Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage. Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes. Look before driving. Do not iron clothes on body. Do not drive car or operate machinery. For indoor or outdoor use only. Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am. Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems. Product will be hot after heating. Do not turn upside down. Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame. Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball. Not for human consumption. May be harmful if swallowed. Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty. Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand. Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers. Warning: May contain nuts. Do not eat. Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box. Warning: May cause drowsiness. Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death. Do not use orally after using rectally. Turn off motor before using this product. Not to be used as a personal flotation device. Do not put in mouth. Please remove before driving. Remove plastic before eating. Not dishwasher safe. For lifting purposes only. Do not put lit candles on phone. Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants. Do not use house paint on face. Do not drive cars in ocean. Always drive on roads - Not on people. For a limited time only. No stopping or standing. Do not sit under coconut trees. These rows reserved for parents with children. All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for. Malfunction: Insufficient water. Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone. You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details are inside. Fits one head. Payment is due by the due date. Take care: new non-slip surface. In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of a flash flood, proceed uphill quickly. 100% pure yarn. Remove the plastic wrapper. Open packet. Eat the contents. Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat. Use like regular soap. Federal law prohibits the smoking of tampons in the lavatory. Instructions: usage known. Serving suggestion: Defrost. Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants. In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors. Please include the proper portion of your bill. Optional modem required. Actual product may not match expectations.
SANITY CLAUSE: There ain't no sanity clause
Disclaimer:
If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.
This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool, process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of owls. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more.Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Not all materials may be applicable in your jurisdiction. Not intended to be a substitute for professional advice. No implied endorsement of, or affiliation with, any linked sites. Path to individual pages may change please link to home page only. Serving suggestion. This disclaimer is meant for humorous purposes mainly. Send no money now. Ask your doctor or pharmacist. To prevent electric shock, do not open back door. No user-serviceable parts inside. You may or may not have additional rights which may vary from country to country. Not recommended for children under twelve years of age, adults, senior citizens, animals, insects, plants, or dead people. Batteries not included. Limit 1 per customer. Does not come with any other figures. Any resemblance to actual persons or events, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. Keep away from fire, open flame or spark. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. All rights reserved. List each check separately by bank number. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed; intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling contents can be harmful or fatal. Parental discretion advised. No other warranty expressed or implied. Unauthorized copying of this disclaimer strictly prohibited. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will not be paid by addressee. In case of eye contact, flush with water. Subject to approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Shipping and handling extra. No animals were harmed in the production of this disclaimer. Do not disturb. If condition persists, consult your physician. Fresher if consumed before date on carton. Prices subject to change without notice. Times approximate. If swallowed, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. We reserve the right to limit quantities. One size fits all. Do not leave funds without collecting a receipt. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-active ingredients. Colours may, in time, fade. We have sent the form which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. This product is only warranted to the original retail purchaser or gift recipient. For office use only. Net weight before cooking. Not affiliated with the Red Cross. Surfaces should be clean of paint,grease,dirt, etc. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. $2.98/min AE/V/MC. Post office will not deliver without postage. Simulated picture. List was current at time of printing. Penalty for private use. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Do not expose to direct sunlight. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error, or failure to perform. No Canadian coins. Do not puncture or incinerate empty container. See label for sequence. Do not write below this line. Time lock safe clerk cannot open. At participating locations only. Serial numbers must be visible. Align parts carefully, then bond. Falling rock zone. Keep out of reach of children. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Check paper path. Place stamp here.Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Sign here without admitting guilt. No solicitors. Price slightly higher east of Alaska. Storage temperature: -30 C (-22 F) to 40 C (104 F). Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. No purchase necessary. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. Extinguish all pilot lights. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only with proper ventilation. Replace with same type only. Accessories sold separately. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. Hard hat area. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction by mechanical or electronic means, including photocopying, is strictly prohibited. Adults 18 and over only. Detach and keep for your reference. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. Demo package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before deciding. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the TradeMarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. This supersedes all previous notices. Tag not to be removed under penalty of law. Subject to CARB approval. Do not stamp. Not rated by the Motion Picture Association of America. Call for nutritional information. Printed on recycled paper. Prizes are not redeemable for cash equivalent. To be used as a supplementary restraint system only. Always fasten your safety belt. Subject to change without notice. Do not staple or paper clip. Do not X-ray. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Magnetic media, non-returnable if seal is broken. Formatted to fit your screen. Prolong exposure to vapors has caused cancer in laboratory animals. Not the Beatles. ** - Phenylketonurics: contains phenylalnine. Add toner. Road construction ahead. Open other end. Dealer participation may affect final price. May not be present in all tap water. Park at your own risk. Employees and their families and friends are not eligible. See Uniform Code of Military Justice. Approved for veterans. * - Indicates a low-fat item. Tax, tag, and title not included in advertised price. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Avoid spraying into eyes. An 18% gratuity will be added for parties of 8 or more. Restaurant package, not for resale. For qualified buyers. Call toll free before digging. Unit not labeled for individual sale. The following information is meant for general educational purposes only. Contents under pressure. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. All passengers must be behind the white line while bus is in motion. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. No shirt, no shoes, no service. No smoking, food, or drink. This article does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my family, my roommate, my friends, or my cat. Don't quote me on that. Don't quote me on anything. You may distribute this article freely but you may not make a profit from it. Do not use near open flame. Management not responsible for loss or theft. Maximum speeding fine : $350. Terms are subject to change without notice. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. We have kosher and non-kosher foods. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. This article is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Caveat emptor. All taxes become liability of the winner. Handicapped parking - tow zone. Product is provided "as is" without any warranties. User assumes full responsibility. An equal opportunity employer. We accept food stamps. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Use at your own risk. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics. Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. Keep away from sunlight. You must be 54" tall to ride this ride. Disconnect spark plug wire before servicing. Keep away from pets and small children. Limit one per family, please. No money down. You need not be present to win. Do not try this at home. Instructions are included. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Shown with optional equipment. Product does not really fly. Coated with food-grade vegetable, beeswax, and/or shellac-based wax or resin to maintain freshness. This product contains olestra. Safety goggles required during use. For demonstration purposes only. Sealed with printed foil for your protection, do not use if safety seal is broken. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. For external use only. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue use. WARNING: may cause cirrhosis of the liver, inflammation of the brain, heart damage, pancreatic damage, kidney damage, spleen implosion or explosion, thyroid combustion, severe nasal hair growth, blindness, eruptia, pregnancy, infertility, fecal incontinence, impotence, loss of genitalia and/or hermaphroditism, hair loss skin blemishes, bone deformity, throat cancer, ulcers, hangnails, bladder leakage, sores, scabs, elephantiasis, hepatitis, conjunctivitis, gingivitis, appendicitis, bronchitis, and/or athlete's foot. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit / 49 degrees Celsius. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source. Your email session may be monitored at the University's discretion. Smoking this article could be hazardous to your health. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence is the use of a condom. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. Use type GR927 battery. WARNING: pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid this product. Discontinue product use if any of the following occurs: itching, vertigo, dizziness, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, slurred speech, temporary blindness, profuse sweating, or heart palpitations. May stick to certain types of skin. Contains no fruit juice. Push down, then twist. Dry clean only. UL listed. Articles are ribbed for your pleasure. Offer valid only at participating sites. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Must be 18 to use. Warrenty does not cover misuse, accident, extraterrestrial impact, lightning, floods, tornadoes, solar flares, tsunami, volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, supernovas, hurricanes, other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper or unauthorized use, incorrect line voltage and/or frequency, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers,chemical reactions, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom shock waves, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, Divine Intervention, extraterrestrial intervention, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, explosive decompression, hard vacuum, dropping the item, falling rocks, falling anything, falling on rocks, falling on anything, caustic chemicals, napalm, leaky roofs, broken glass, magnetic fields, laser or other energy weapons, sub-atomic particle bombardment, emissions of x-rays, microwave, ultraviolet, cosmic, and/or gamma rays, mud slides, forest fires, or projectiles (which may include, but are not limited to, arrows, bombs, artillery shells, missiles, bullets, snowballs, hand grenades, buckshot, BBs, flares, shrapnel, liquid-filled balloons, torpedoes, knives, stones, spears, swords, maces, pikes, clubs, morningstars, etc.). Other restrictions may apply. These web site links are listed as a convenience to our visitors. If you use these links, we take no responsibility and give no guarantees, warranties or representations, implied or otherwise, for the content or accuracy of these third-party sites. Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish. Do not use while sleeping. Do not use in shower. Warning: This product can burn eyes. Caution: Hot beverages are hot! For external use only! Warning: May contain small parts. Do not use orally. Please keep out of children. Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use. Warning: Do not use on eyes. Do not look into laser with remaining eye. Do not use for drying pets. Do not use as ear plugs. Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator. Warning: knives are sharp. Not for weight control. Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth. Theft of this container is a crime. Do not use intimately. Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice. Fragile. Do not drop. Cannot be made non-poisonous. Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage. Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes. Look before driving. Do not iron clothes on body. Do not drive car or operate machinery. For indoor or outdoor use only. Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am. Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems. Product will be hot after heating. Do not turn upside down. Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame. Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball. Not for human consumption. May be harmful if swallowed. Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty. Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand. Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers. Warning: May contain nuts. Do not eat. Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box. Warning: May cause drowsiness. Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death. Do not use orally after using rectally. Turn off motor before using this product. Not to be used as a personal flotation device. Do not put in mouth. Please remove before driving. Remove plastic before eating. Not dishwasher safe. For lifting purposes only. Do not put lit candles on phone. Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants. Do not use house paint on face. Do not drive cars in ocean. Always drive on roads - Not on people. For a limited time only. No stopping or standing. Do not sit under coconut trees. These rows reserved for parents with children. All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for. Malfunction: Insufficient water. Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone. You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details are inside. Fits one head. Payment is due by the due date. Take care: new non-slip surface. In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of a flash flood, proceed uphill quickly. 100% pure yarn. Remove the plastic wrapper. Open packet. Eat the contents. Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat. Use like regular soap. Federal law prohibits the smoking of tampons in the lavatory. Instructions: usage known. Serving suggestion: Defrost. Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants. In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors. Please include the proper portion of your bill. Optional modem required. Actual product may not match expectations.
SANITY CLAUSE: There ain't no sanity clause
Monday, June 04, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Friday, March 02, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Which science fiction writer you are
Which science fiction writer you are
 | I am:William GibsonThe chief instigator of the "cyberpunk" wave of the 1980s, his razzle-dazzle futuristic intrigues were, for a while, the most imitated work in science fiction. |
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Friday, January 05, 2007
INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
*1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16
work boots. *
*2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans,
a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines. *
*3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine. *
*4. Leave a note on your door that reads: *
*Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for
ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they
attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't
think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. *
*P.S. - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside!*
*1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16
work boots. *
*2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans,
a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines. *
*3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine. *
*4. Leave a note on your door that reads: *
*Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for
ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they
attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't
think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. *
*P.S. - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside!*
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
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