Some Days you Eat the Bear

O'Reilly Maker - Ctl-Alt-Del

2011-04-25T12:01:00.000-07:00

2010-02-04T13:32:00.001-08:00

mm, I know that the economy is bad, but we've apparently outsourced the FBI to Hong Kong or Europe. Spelling is... uh... interesting.

Subject: An Official Advise
Wed, February 3, 2010 8:53:35 PM
From: FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
To: ANTI TERRORIST & MONITORY CRIME DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON , D.C.FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONJ. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON , D.C. 20535-0001

Attn: Beneficiary, This is an official advise from the FBI CRIME DEPARTMENT as it has come to our notice that the Central Bank of Nigeria / World Bank has deposited USD$10, 500, 000.00 US Dollars into Citibank New York in your name as the beneficiary being for your overdue payment / Inheritance payment.Going by our records, this kind of payment in the past has always been related to Money Laundry / Terrorist Acts so we do not want you to get into any trouble with the IRS and Homeland Securities including our office (FBI) as soon as these funds reflect in your Bank Account So it is our duty as a worldwide commission to correct this problem before this fund will be credited into your personal Bank Account.To this effect, We have decided to contact you directly to acquire the proper Verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful beneficiary to receive this fund because of the amount involve so we ask them not to credit the fund to you yet as we need a solid proof and Verifications from you before you can receive the funds.In this regards, you are to re-assure and proof to us that the fund you are about to receive is clean and free from illegal activities by sending to us your Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST) issued by the ICPC OFICE NIGERIA to satisfy us that the money is legitimate and you are to forward the document to us immediately if you have it in your possession, if you don't have it let us know so that we will direct you on how to obtain the document from the ICPC OFICE NIGERIA.We await for your prompt response on this email.

Faithfully Yours,
FBI Director Robert Mueller.fbiwdsc65@yahoo.com.hk

2008-12-06T18:06:00.000-08:00

Sylmar.

2008-05-09T01:01:00.000-07:00

Little Golden Books That Never Made It"

1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

From Quantum Lounge

2007-12-23T20:24:00.000-08:00

The Christmas Elf Massacre
(from Comedy Central's Web Site)

Buy me a beer if you want the story told
Of why I moved down South from the frost and cold.
Why I’m knee deep in therapy, liquor, and pills.
Why I’ve given up charity in lieu of cheap thrills.

Why I loathe mistletoe, fruitcake and bells --
And why I’ll celebrate Xmas when it freezes in hell.
You’ll never see this elf make angels in snow.
Hey thanks for the booze – so I guess here it goes:

“Twas the night after Christmas in the North Pole
No creatures were stirring, not one lousy soul.
Santa’s house appeared eerily silent
But inside the fat man was hungry, was violent
.

This workshop of toys for kids of all ages
Was filled with elves quaking in cages.
Who woke up from their long winter’s naps
To find themselves snared in a devious trap.

Hours before I had been bingeing on nog
Passed out under the bed, I spied the whole saga.
I saw all my brothers rounded up in cages.
Sleepy victims of wicked midnight rampages.

Then what to my horrified eyes should appear
But a wild-eyed Santa pinching an elf by the ear.
Each little sprite shook in their tights and boots.
That this monster was Santa, no one could refute.

His size and his beard gave him away as St. Nick
His fangs and his scales made me quite sick
Blood seemed to stain his white fluffy trim
He was hunched, drooling, and disgustingly slim.

“Come little helper! Climb into my maw!”
He laughed, then casually ate the elf raw.
He greedily sucked the imp’s hide off the bone
I was awed! I was scared! I was truly alone!

Dainty elf paws clutched bars and cried
Drunk on deinal; confounded by why.
(He lost his count during his murderous spree
Thought he’d rounded up most, but forgot about me!)

His hunger was wracking his hunched-over frame
With a crippling appetite that didn’t know shame.
“Don’t eat us! We love you! Look at our faces!”
The doomed little elves made their sad cases

But Santa ignored them with a swipe of his fist
Pulled out some parchment and started a list:
“Silence, you nuggets – I’m trying to think
Who to char-broil, who to blend into drink.

Who to dice, fillet, bake or panfry
Who to boil in soup, who to stuff in a pie”
These taunts seemed so strange to come from a man
Who held the dreams of children in his hands

Teeth full of gristle, he then sadly revealed
To his captive chorus of angel-faced veal,
That humans are greedy, petty, drunk on their vices.
And each Yuletide revel exacts gruesome prices

These prices are paid by the magical gnomes
Who hammer the toys that clutter up homes.
The payment’s a life – one for each holiday sin.
Delivered by Santa, after his joyful break-ins.

Perhaps he was cursed by the Easter Bunny
Or an April Fool’s jester who thought it’d be funny.
The Great Pumpkin, Jack Frost or just maybe –
That jealous and bratty New Years Eve baby.

Maybe it was a clue, how well we were fed
On cookies, cakes, lard balls and bread.
But our nature’s to love, not to distrust.
So we hugged the fat Claus’s and finished each crust.

Ignorant to what would soon transpire
We’d collapse in heaps by the crackling fire.
Expecting the old man to come flying back
And start making next years toys for his sack.

But how does he have enough sprites for his belly?
The final act of sorrow starts as fetal elf jelly.
That ferments inside his wife until it’s a broth
Filled with thimble-sized elves that surge forth like froth.

And these newborn elves, spawned pure from her womb.
Don’t understand: their workshop is really a tomb
Their dimples are gumdrops, they sneeze pixie dust.
Santa doesn’t hate them – he’s cursed with a lust.

Elves are packed with vitamins A, C, and E
We’re awfully juicy, tart yet also fruity,
We go well with gravy and mayonnaise and toast
But casserole is how Santa likes us the most.

Barbequed, fricasseed, or flambéed
Sunny-side up, shish-ka-bobbed or flayed.
Prepared anyway, our flesh is quite delicious
And it’s not like toy-happy children will miss us.

Goodbye Carl, Zud, Sprinkles and Jan!
Blossom, Hortense, Cobweb, and Stan!
Julie, Miss Knickers, Fidget, and Ralph.
I’m sorry you’re dead, you wonderful elf.

A mouthed greased with fat, Santa then hibernated.
As Mrs. Claus squatted and grossly gestated
And all that is left of my cherubic siblings.
Was a pile of bells, curly-toed boots – mostly elf things

So much for good cheer! But don’t shed a tear:
This gruesome cycle has happened for hundreds of years.
And as the fist to survive Father’s murderous rout
In a month I stopped hiding and got the hell out.”

Now I spend my days soaking under a sun like a yolk
(Yeah, I wish I’d have saved all or some of my folk)
I now have a tan where the rum’s in supply.
Sewing up flags for Captain Fourth of July

2007-12-22T22:40:00.000-08:00

Elvis Presley - Blue Christmas lyrics

              (words & music by billy hayes - jay johnson)
Ill have a blue christmas without you
Ill be so blue just thinking about you
Decorations of red on a green christmas tree
Wont be the same dear, if you're not here with me

And when those blue snowflakes start falling
That's when those blue memories start calling
Youll be doin all right, with your christmas of white
But I'll have a blue, blue blue blue christmas

(instrumental break)

Youll be doin all right, with your christmas of white,
But I'll have a blue, blue christmas             



Song lyrics | Blue Christmas lyrics

LILEKS (James) :: Institute :: Compu-Promo

2007-09-20T19:12:00.000-07:00

LILEKS (James) :: Institute :: Compu-Promo

Ornish: Sweat Your Way to a Bigger Brain - Newsweek Health - Dean Ornish - MSNBC.com

2007-09-14T17:22:00.000-07:00

Ornish: Sweat Your Way to a Bigger Brain - Newsweek Health - Dean Ornish - MSNBC.com

I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?

2007-07-31T22:36:00.000-07:00

I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?

Seattle Post-Intelligencer: Zits

2007-07-29T16:30:00.000-07:00

Some people just don't deal well with technology.
Seattle Post-Intelligencer: Zits

7-Elevens Become Simpsons 'Kwik-E-Marts' - Los Angeles Times

2007-07-01T13:39:00.000-07:00

7-Elevens Become Simpsons 'Kwik-E-Marts' - Los Angeles Times

Life at Google - The Microsoftie Perspective � Just Say “No” To Google

2007-06-29T02:40:00.000-07:00

Life at Google - The Microsoftie Perspective � Just Say “No” To Google

A 'Second Life' parody you can't miss | Tech news blog - CNET News.com

2007-06-27T22:28:00.000-07:00

A 'Second Life' parody you can't miss | Tech news blog - CNET News.com

2007-06-25T12:24:00.000-07:00

"Borrowed" from somewhere...

Disclaimer:

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Take care: new non-slip surface. In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of a flash flood, proceed uphill quickly. 100% pure yarn. Remove the plastic wrapper. Open packet. Eat the contents. Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat. Use like regular soap. Federal law prohibits the smoking of tampons in the lavatory. Instructions: usage known. Serving suggestion: Defrost. Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants. In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors. Please include the proper portion of your bill. Optional modem required. Actual product may not match expectations.

SANITY CLAUSE: There ain't no sanity clause

How Lord of the Rings Should Have Ended | Just Whatever

2007-06-04T20:28:00.000-07:00

How Lord of the Rings Should Have Ended | Just Whatever

Boy Bags Wild Hog Bigger Than 'Hogzilla'

2007-05-25T14:45:00.000-07:00

Boy Bags Wild Hog Bigger Than 'Hogzilla'

3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference

2007-05-05T01:46:00.000-07:00

3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference

Wait_damn_it_I_have_to_pee.jpg (JPEG Image, 800x300 pixels)

2007-04-23T01:00:00.000-07:00

Wait_damn_it_I_have_to_pee.jpg (JPEG Image, 800x300 pixels)

TonyRogers.com - The Official Winner of the "Not My Job" Contest

2007-04-23T00:49:00.000-07:00

TonyRogers.com - The Official Winner of the "Not My Job" Contest

Cannot find the damn server

2007-04-23T00:36:00.000-07:00

Cannot find the damn server

2007-04-10T23:26:00.000-07:00

My son told me about this - pretty cool...

Blog about advertising.: WOW! Best Rube Goldberg Ever!

2007-03-17T01:25:00.000-07:00

Blog about advertising.: WOW! Best Rube Goldberg Ever!

Click Here for more great videos and pictures!

Geoff Arnold � Blog Archive � Kill Dash Nine

2007-03-14T13:33:00.000-07:00

Geoff Arnold � Blog Archive � Kill Dash Nine
(Not Safe for Work)

Quotes - The Marx Brothers

2007-03-02T00:41:00.000-08:00

Quotes from The Marx Brothers

KYW Newsradio 1060

2007-02-15T14:00:00.000-08:00

CLEO was a dog...

2007-02-15T13:32:00.000-08:00

MAKE: Blog: 2GB chapstick

Which science fiction writer you are

2007-01-28T21:25:00.000-08:00

Which science fiction writer you are

I am:

William Gibson

The chief instigator of the "cyberpunk" wave of the 1980s, his razzle-dazzle futuristic intrigues were, for a while, the most imitated work in science fiction.

Which science fiction writer are you?

2007-01-06T13:05:00.000-08:00

Apple - Support - Discussions - Animals IN my screen. HELP!! ...

And see the Video...

2007-01-05T12:53:00.000-08:00

INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

*1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16
work boots. *

*2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans,
a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines. *

*3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine. *

*4. Leave a note on your door that reads: *

*Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for
ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they
attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't
think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. *

*P.S. - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside!*

2006-12-26T11:43:00.000-08:00

">Erik Mongrain and his "Air Tap" guitar technique

2006-12-20T22:18:00.000-08:00

Ken Levine remembers "Christmas with Cheeta(h)"

2006-12-20T14:22:00.001-08:00

A cool way of greeting...

2006-12-20T14:19:00.000-08:00

Techcrunch: Mike Arrington says goodbye to Netflix in favor of Blockbuster

2006-12-18T12:16:00.000-08:00

In the Spirit of the Season... An oldie but goodie...

2006-12-13T22:49:00.000-08:00

jerome murat
Uploaded by segalier

Pretty Amazing!

2006-12-11T14:33:00.000-08:00

The REAL Nintendo Wii Safety Manual

Some Missing Pages from it...

2006-12-10T21:10:00.000-08:00

Hey New York!
Check out this ad by the Council for Consumer Freedom...

2006-12-10T20:34:00.000-08:00

In honor of the coming season...

2006-12-08T13:38:00.000-08:00

wow...
YouTube - Iron Maiden The Trooper By Gauchos

2006-12-02T21:14:00.000-08:00

New York Daily News - Home - Dave Barry: A monster gift guide

2006-12-02T07:24:00.000-08:00

Most viral video of all time - Countdown with Keith Olbermann - MSNBC.com

2006-12-01T13:59:00.000-08:00

Microsoft "Innovation"

2006-11-30T18:18:00.000-08:00

Wow, incredible what people come up with...

Modern Mechanix ? Fire Box Traps Pranksters

2006-11-30T12:58:00.000-08:00

Beware the Wii....

Wii Have A Problem...

2006-11-30T12:31:00.000-08:00

This is NOT a pool, it's quite a TANK...

Huge Pool - ebaumsworld.com

2006-11-29T13:34:00.000-08:00

YouTube - Manchester bollards

2006-11-09T11:14:00.000-08:00

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a
truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there
is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so
we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is
have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where
to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down,
down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a
green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of
it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake
his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at
the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and
champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good
time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that
before
he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St.
Peter
is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."So, 24 hours pass with the senator
joining a
group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and
singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours
have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose
your eternity."

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never
have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I
would
be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to
hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land
covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting
it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't
understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a
golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne,
and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of
garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were
campaigning...... Today you voted."

2006-11-07T16:14:00.000-08:00

Line Rider - beta by *fsk on deviantART

2006-11-02T12:48:00.000-08:00

"Misogynist" Austrian urinals flushed out to eBay - Yahoo! News

2006-11-01T23:57:00.000-08:00

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Why Halloween Is Better Than Sex

2006-11-01T17:34:00.000-08:00

New Warning Signs

2006-10-22T00:19:00.000-07:00

Amazing shot - Saturn, the Earth and the eclipsed Sun...

APOD: 2006 October 16 - In the Shadow of Saturn

2006-10-21T08:25:00.000-07:00

QuizFarm.com :: Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics)

You scored as Serenity (Firefly). You like to live your own way and donâ??t enjoy when anyone but a friend tries to tell you should do different. Now if only the Reavers would quit trying to skin you.

Deep Space Nine (Star Trek)

88%

Serenity (Firefly)

88%

Moya (Farscape)

75%

Babylon 5 (Babylon 5)

75%

Bebop (Cowboy Bebop)

69%

Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda)

63%

Millennium Falcon (Star Wars)

63%

Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix)

63%

FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files)

63%

SG-1 (Stargate)

56%

Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica)

56%

Enterprise D (Star Trek)

50%

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

2006-10-19T23:36:00.000-07:00

YouTube - Ben takes a photo of himself everyday

2006-10-18T23:48:00.000-07:00

YouTube - Monty Python Halo

2006-10-16T22:53:00.000-07:00

I just noticed today that Jerry Belson died; Ken Levine remembers him:

By Ken Levine: Jerry Belson 1938-2006

2006-10-16T22:44:00.000-07:00

Keepers of Lists - Top 41 Things To Do When Your ISP Is Down

2006-10-12T16:38:00.000-07:00

The scrolling frying pan...SCI FI Tech

2006-10-12T16:31:00.000-07:00

LMNOP: America's Most Fonted: The 7 Worst Fonts

2006-10-10T12:57:00.000-07:00

Top Ten Geek Wallets | productdose.com

Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Rainbow

2006-10-09T23:32:00.000-07:00


This is incredible... apparently there's more, you cand do this if you play the CD on "repeat"... Dark Side of the Moon synchronized with The Wizard of Oz Also see: <a href="http://members.cox.net/stegokitty/dsotr_pages/dsotr.htm"> the Web Site</a>

2006-10-06T13:11:00.000-07:00

- Popular Mechanics Breakthrough Awards 2006

2006-10-04T16:46:00.000-07:00

YouTube - Male Restroom Etiquette

2006-10-04T16:38:00.000-07:00

Very tranquil...
flyGuy.swf (application/x-shockwave-flash Object)

2006-10-02T12:57:00.000-07:00

Funny video - Mom Having a BAD Day

UpYourVideo.net - tons of free videos!

2006-09-30T15:35:00.000-07:00

Keepers of Lists - Top 176 Star Wars Lines Improved By Replacing A Word With "Pants"

2006-09-26T23:43:00.000-07:00

This is Magic...

ursula-martinez-gala-juste-pour-rire
Uploaded by lecarolo69

2006-09-21T19:04:00.000-07:00

McSweeney's Internet Tendency: The Recording Industry Will Destroy You.

2006-09-20T12:36:00.000-07:00

This is a review of an LG Cell phone that Sprint sent out to get bloggers to review - worth reading for entertainment value.

Joel on Software

2006-09-19T13:37:00.000-07:00

I guess this is me...
Weird Al White And Nerdy - BREAK.com

2006-09-18T16:39:00.000-07:00

DevilDucky - Muppet Show: Beaker Sings Feelings

2006-07-13T13:28:00.000-07:00

New York Daily News - Technology - Barter blogger hops from trade to trade till he gets a house

2006-06-27T13:49:00.000-07:00

New Scientist Invention blog: Password-protected bullets

2006-06-23T01:09:00.000-07:00

Dell laptop explodes at Japanese conference

2006-06-21T12:50:00.000-07:00

Geriatric love triangle results in man's slaying

2006-06-21T12:41:00.000-07:00

Very Scary!!!
Chortler - Connie Chung Singing

2006-06-15T13:55:00.000-07:00

Bill Gates to leave Microsoft - Yahoo! News

2006-06-10T01:54:00.000-07:00

By Ken Levine: Do not try this at home!

2006-06-08T19:10:00.000-07:00

The best place for cheesesteaks in Philly makes the news... Sprechen ze Deutch?
English only at Philly cheesesteak joint - Yahoo! News

2006-06-08T12:38:00.000-07:00

Weird Al just released a parody of James Blunt's "You're Beautiful" on his web site, as an mp3.

What's scary to me is that I have a file on my laptop timestamped June 1st - I was "inspired" after hearing the song for the 200,000th time that morning. I have to admit I looked at the real lyrics and now that I know what he's really singing it's not as bad as I originally thought, but no matter...

Still, I have to think, "great minds", right?? Yeah...

Weird Al's Lyrics here:
Weird Al releases new MP3

I removed my lyrics because after reading them again, and after a comment by my son that they didn't exactly make sense (YEAH!!! Let's hear it for EDUCATION). And actually, they're kinda mean. So they're gone.

--
It's no longer "Have a Coke and a Smile" - now it's "Have a Pepsi and Some Mentos..."

2006-05-24T10:17:00.000-07:00

Not enough sleep associated with weight gain - Yahoo! News

2006-05-07T12:17:00.000-07:00

Frank Zappa performed his classic "I Am the Slime" on Saturday Night Live... I remember watching it live.

YouTube - frank zappa-i am the slime: "t"

2006-05-05T17:28:00.000-07:00

California doesn't look too bad when you compare the number of schools listed to other states. My kids' school is ranked #535.

The 100 Best High Schools in America - Newsweek America's Best High Schools - MSNBC.com

2006-05-04T10:41:00.000-07:00

Signum sine tinnitu--by Guy Kawasaki: The World's Shortest Marketing Plan, Version 2.0

2006-05-03T00:49:00.000-07:00

Unix Admin Corner: Why ZFS for home

2006-05-01T13:14:00.000-07:00

Improv Everywhere: We Cause Scenes

2006-04-30T20:14:00.000-07:00

Lego CD Thrower...

2006-04-23T04:40:00.000-07:00

TelegramSam - Google Calendar SMS Tricks

2006-04-19T19:35:00.000-07:00

Think you know how to drive?